Contemplative mood today.  Checking in with myself which is a good thing.  Is what I have attracted into my life supporting who I am?  Who I wish to be?  Is it riddled with the pitfalls of life before awareness?  Of course it is.  That is part of the process.  One more lesson on how to honor who I am and the life I choose to live.

Doing my best to look at all of this as honestly as possible.  I have to admit there is a struggle going on.  The ego-self ready to step into the game that protected the old wounds that have come with the life I have experienced.  That part of me that pulled in my emotions when I felt threatened, watched the moves of others, gauged my next action by what was said and done.  The warrior-self ready for the imagined battle.  A battle that is self-created.

The aware-self holding the space of love.  The aware-self that reminds me that I have choice.  That at any moment I can change the direction of my journey.  The aware-self that reminds me when I love who I am, that love is reflected back at me.  As I accept that reflection of love I am able to send light out into the world assisting other’s to love who they are and accept their perfection as they walk their human walk.

For me the key is allow myself the myriad of emotions I feel so, that I can understand where they began.   To sort through them without judgment.  Not to place blame on others.  Then allow life to flow forward.

What is your process?  What do you do to come to love and support yourself in each moment?  How do you bring yourself back to the point of self-love when you veer off course?   What an interesting journey this is.

There are people who look at my life now and say things such as, “you are so brave,” or “you are so lucky.” I don’t know if that is the case. I grew up like many people living in a world that did not support who I was. I saw myself through other people’s lenses with most of the time feeling as if I was defective.

However, I did experience a huge shift of awareness. This awareness changed the course of my life. It didn’t take me off the path of my human experience, but it did add to the depth of my life. Through this awareness I remembered that all life is perfect and serves a purpose. This has allowed me to look into those dark places that lived inside of me, the shadow areas of self-judgment and condemnation. Not just to look at these areas of who I am, but to embrace them the same as I embrace the goodness of who I am.

The shadow areas have served to bring me some of the most profound lessons of my life. As I have sifted through these, I have found the outdated belief systems that had been the driving force of my life. While looking at these, I was able to forgive myself and those who chose to go through the experiences with me, sometimes playing the bad guy so that I could ‘feel’ at a level I would not have otherwise.

Even with this information, I found that I was holding myself back. I walked through the experience of my husband’s illness and death. At first I thought I had learned so much as I viewed many of the wasted moments we could have shared, places we postponed going to see. I felt that I had learned what was needed and then stepped back into my life, gradually allowing more and more in.

In is own way this is true. But it has been in just the last month that I saw I was holding myself back. I was still living on the sidelines of my life. I would put out an intention, a hope, a dream and when it came to me, I still was adding my old fears to what I was receiving.

As this thought struck me, I consciously made the decision to ‘”live” my life to the best of my ability. Now as I put out to the Universe what it is I want, and the Universe sends it back to me in ways that are far beyond my expectation, I say, “Yes!” instead of hesitating.

What I love is that through this journey I have had many friends and supporters tell me that I deserve my heart’s desire. As I brought messages of hope and belief in for others, these wonderful people have told me to love who I am as well as allow what I want in my own life to come true. And I have remembered to reach out to others when my fear has overtaken my joy. They have shared their words of wisdom and bolstered me the same as I do for many others.

If this message brings you anything, let it be to live your life to the fullest. When in fear or worry, reach out to those who love you. Listen when they tell you that you deserve the very best. As the Universe sends in your heart’s desire, know that you deserve it. Feel all of the love and joy this beautiful world has to offer you.

Yes, you are in the human condition, yet you can move past the old training and beliefs to allow your world to light up with love.

Falling back into an old pattern is so very easy to do. You take the steps that you are told will assist you in creating the life you choose to have. This is a matter of asking yourself what you really want to have and experience. What does it look like? What does it feel like? What has held you back from claiming it? What are your worries and fears?

As you sit with yourself asking these questions, formulating the answers, writing them down and allowing yourself to “feel” what it is you want, a little smile creeps onto your face. You become happy with yourself because you have designed a whole new experience.

Then WHAM! The old pattern creates itself again.

You feel the familiar essence of the pattern. This familiar essence lulls you into believing you have stepped into a new direction even when the red flags are throwing themselves in front of you so fast that if you don’t duck one is going to smack you in the head.

OK – slight exaggeration. But many times the truth is, when we have decided we want more in our lives than we have had, we do have false starts. We do attract in the same old thing only it’s brought to us in a way that seems different. This is neither good nor bad. It is only part of us becoming aware of how we create.

The key to this is becoming unafraid of looking at our patterns and why they are in place. What is in it for us? Is it there only because it has the comfortable feel of an old pair of slippers that you place on your feet and say, “Ah, now I am home.” You know how to keep them on your feet. You know where there is going to be an uneven spot and how to take the next step so that you do not topple over. Maybe these slippers are not as comfortable as you have led yourself to believe. Maybe they are shabby, worn out and do not give you the support you need.

How do you become aware of the old patterns that lull you back? (How do you notice that you are putting on that pattern again just like the familiar shabby slippers?) Start to become aware of your patterns: What are the themes? What have the messages been in your life? How is the pattern serving you? Notice the differences in how you respond to the patterns or, for that matter, the automatic responses that has come with time after time of creating them.

These patterns are due to a misled belief that this is what life looks and feels like. This belief was created early in your life, at a time when the patterns served and, at times, protected you. The patterns held you fast in the illusion that was established at those vulnerable times in your life. It is good to come to the understanding you are not that same person and you no longer need to hold the old protective comfort. There has been an opening to your awareness that says there is more for you out there. There is a much better life to be experienced and you deserve to have your heart’s desire. Don’t be afraid to let go of what you have known.

Be willing to take your emotional inventory. Hold a dialogue with yourself. Check in often with how you are responding to what you are creating. Do not judge yourself or any others that have stepped up to help you with this life lesson.

How to recognize old patterns:

• Whether it be a new person, location or job you find you go into an automatic response.
• You repeat old behaviors.
• You feel as if a part of you has shut down.
• You ignore the inner voice that goes through your mind that says, “Watch out, this feels familiar.”
• You feel the anxiety, sadness, disconnect or other emotional response you had to the earlier life experiences that assisted in cementing in the pattern.
• You put your wants and needs into the background making due with what is there.
• You ignore or rationalize the red flags that pop up.

How to change the pattern:

• Stay present within yourself.  Check in to see if what you are doing fits what you want in your life.
• Be willing not to judge yourself or anything or anyone else associated with the pattern.  This is only a life lesson.
• Be willing to step out of your comfort zone.
• Continue taking self-inventory.
• Check in to see if the situation is benefiting your personal growth.
• Be willing to be uncomfortable.  Growth stretches us past our comfort zones.
• Work with a trusted friend or guide. This is definitely something we can do together! Just email me cherry@cherrydivine.com and we’ll schedule a time to start shifting your old patterns and begin creating new ones that support the life you want.

It’s time to take off the old slippers and put on new ones. You do deserve a bright and shiny life!

I will be adding additional information to my website about the upcoming Hawaiian Experience Retreat.  Please check back.