Today I was drawn back to a post that I wrote 3 years ago. As I was reading it my Group (those non-physical helpers that are with me at all times) gave me the mental nudge to re-post it. What would be the purpose to re-post something written many years ago? The posting would be for the purpose of remembering to be present not only within yourself also, be present in the time shared with the ones you love. To look outside of the illusion of old trainings and beliefs that say doing and acquiring are more important than loving and being. So....here it is, the blog I wrote so many years ago.
A Message from Rob: I didn’t hold you enough.
Many of you know that my husband Rob crossed on Oct. 11th of this year. In April two days after my birthday we received the news that Rob had stage IV colon cancer. With posts on Facebook I shared our journey through this disease. Many of you have thanked me for allowing you into such a personal experience. With my work I have always felt it was necessary to connect the physical and the spiritual journeys. To me they belong together not to be separated as they are one and the same. We chose our physical lives to express, to experience and to evolve
Recently I spoke to a person that wondered if it was different for someone like me when a person they love crosses over. I have to tell you….no it is not. I grieve the same as anyone else the physical life that is no longer here with me. I have a deep understanding and knowledge that life does not end when the physical body dies. Yet, in my humanness I have the full awareness that the person I have loved and spent my life with for almost 20 years will not walk through our doorway and into our house again. We will not share the Harley rides, the trips to the coast or for that matter any other physical event again. Knowing this is the way it now is brings a sense of sadness and grief.
What may be different for me compared to other’s that aren’t as aware of life continuing on after the essence leaves the body is I feel and hear Rob often. He sends me messages and assists me through my processing of his physical loss. Two days ago I was laying on my couch with the emotions that come from grief engulfing me, as tears ran down my cheeks I felt Rob’s presence then heard these words:
“I didn’t hold you enough”
“I didn’t kiss you enough”
“I didn’t look into your eyes enough”
He then showed me a series of images of him doing other things such as sitting at the computer looking for car or motorcycle parts. Out in the garage puttering around. Sitting together on the couch him being lost in thought with me but, not with me. Speaking to others while I waited for him at home. There were so many images of what felt important to him at the time yet, took him away from the expressions of love we share here on Earth. As this message came through along with the images, I knew the same was true for me. I didn’t take every opportunity possible to show the love I felt for him for many of the same reasons. Life was happening creating the illusion that there were other things that were more important.
This physical illusion many times distracts us from the truth of life. What you own, what you do, where you go, how thin or pretty you are really is not what's important in living this life. Moving through the barriers that have shrouded mankind for far too long keeping each person from remembering to live from the heart, taking every opportunity to express the love that they feel openly, freely and often is the true importance of this life.
If you have the urge to hug the people you love, do it. If you have the urge to kiss those people, do it. If you have the urge to look into their eyes, I will once again say, do it. The moment to do it is now. Much love to all of you. I send you hugs, kisses and of course an intense look into your eyes, which hold the wisdom and beauty of the life you are.