There are people who look at my life now and say things such as, “you are so brave,” or “you are so lucky.” I don’t know if that is the case. I grew up like many people living in a world that did not support who I was. I saw myself through other people’s lenses with most of the time feeling as if I was defective.
However, I did experience a huge shift of awareness. This awareness changed the course of my life. It didn’t take me off the path of my human experience, but it did add to the depth of my life. Through this awareness I remembered that all life is perfect and serves a purpose. This has allowed me to look into those dark places that lived inside of me, the shadow areas of self-judgment and condemnation. Not just to look at these areas of who I am, but to embrace them the same as I embrace the goodness of who I am.
The shadow areas have served to bring me some of the most profound lessons of my life. As I have sifted through these, I have found the outdated belief systems that had been the driving force of my life. While looking at these, I was able to forgive myself and those who chose to go through the experiences with me, sometimes playing the bad guy so that I could ‘feel’ at a level I would not have otherwise.
Even with this information, I found that I was holding myself back. I walked through the experience of my husband’s illness and death. At first I thought I had learned so much as I viewed many of the wasted moments we could have shared, places we postponed going to see. I felt that I had learned what was needed and then stepped back into my life, gradually allowing more and more in.
In is own way this is true. But it has been in just the last month that I saw I was holding myself back. I was still living on the sidelines of my life. I would put out an intention, a hope, a dream and when it came to me, I still was adding my old fears to what I was receiving.
As this thought struck me, I consciously made the decision to ‘”live” my life to the best of my ability. Now as I put out to the Universe what it is I want, and the Universe sends it back to me in ways that are far beyond my expectation, I say, “Yes!” instead of hesitating.
What I love is that through this journey I have had many friends and supporters tell me that I deserve my heart’s desire. As I brought messages of hope and belief in for others, these wonderful people have told me to love who I am as well as allow what I want in my own life to come true. And I have remembered to reach out to others when my fear has overtaken my joy. They have shared their words of wisdom and bolstered me the same as I do for many others.
If this message brings you anything, let it be to live your life to the fullest. When in fear or worry, reach out to those who love you. Listen when they tell you that you deserve the very best. As the Universe sends in your heart’s desire, know that you deserve it. Feel all of the love and joy this beautiful world has to offer you.
Yes, you are in the human condition, yet you can move past the old training and beliefs to allow your world to light up with love.